4.17.2008

That's a Man for You

In his 1917 poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", T.S. Eliot writes, "I have measured out my life in coffee spoons." Don't get Very Mary wrong, she loves a good iced hazelnut cappuccino, but measuring her life in coffee? She doesn't think so.

Mr. Eliot, as a woman, Very Mary makes a blanket claim for most of her sex. Hair, Mr. Eliot, hair. We measure out our lives in hair. Good hair. Bad hair. Growing-out-stage hair. Hair.

Case in point.

January 2005: Very Mary was going with a trendy short do. Her naturally curly hair had a very difficult time agreeing with this particular style, and Very Mary spent nearly an hour every morning blowdrying it straight. Short hair is easier? Bah.


Then Very Mary decided to let her curls hang loose. Free and wild. Time to grow out those tresses, girlfriend. Oh how Very Mary hated that bobby pin/weird bangs/poofy afro-ish stage.


This particular stage seemed to linger forever. See, Mr. Eliot, Very Mary's hair tends to grow out, not down. That would be horizontal, not vertical.


Finally, oh finally, gravity took hold and Very Mary's hair began to lengthen rather than poofen. Her curly tendrils reappeared and her co-workers oohed and aahed over Very Mary's lush mane. Oh vanity, thy name is hair.


April 17, 2008: And now, yes now, Mr. Eliot, the hair has grown far down Very Mary's back. But instead of whipping her tresses about in the way that only long-haired women can do, Very Mary feels fussy. Her hair is long, that's true. But it's also thick. When she forgets to add product to it, her hair revolts into a giant mass of frizz. As it continues to grow, she continually battles the unwieldy baby hairs that sprout from her hairline, thus making any sleek hairdo impossible. She constantly yanks the sh*t out of pulls her hair into braids and buns and twists and large floppy messes onto the back of her head. She sometimes thinks that an hour of blowdrying per morning might actually be a good idea. Until she remembers the bobby pin stage.


Mr. Eliot, Very Mary actually has dreams, yes dreams (as in plural) in which she can switch her hair from short to long and back again, much like changing out a necklace or bracelet. Women, Mr. Eliot? We measure out our lives in hair. Keep your coffee spoons to yourself, sir.

26 comments:

see you there! said...

Hahaha, I just got my hair cut yesterday.

But coffee? Coffee rules at my house. I can always wear a hat but I can't drink tea first thing in the morning.

Darla

Randi said...

I don't know. I love coffee. Must have it every single day. Hate my hair most every single day. Have you ever tried a flat iron?? I love my flat iron. Not as much as coffee, but almost.

Sarah said...

Oh my gosh... so true!! I've gone from short to long and back again all my life, with varying success. Oh, cursed curls! (and maybe I'll have to send you some of my "bad haircut" pics so we can commiserate... they're not all that different than yours - just instead of your first straight pic, I had an afro)

Keetha said...

You look adorable with the hair the length is it now BUT I really liked that second shot, too. It's very Drew Barrymore.

Catherine said...

I felt like I was reading about my hair!! Had to check and make sure. Now that spring/summer is almost upon us and the humidity will be a factor, I give up -- in the winter I do try to straighten it while drying.

Hello, I'm Sally. said...

I too am "blessed" with curly hair and have a similar hair time line.
After being assaulted with "don't you ever brush your hair?!" in high school, I diligently straightened my hair for years. Tired of battling the cowlicks, I decided to free the curls.

Now I am constantly growing, cutting, growing, cutting. Always trying to get my hair to resemble something other than a mushroom cap, or a big round blob. A decent hairdresser helps, but there is still only so much you can do with curly hair.

And don't get me started about how I dye my hair, that's a whole other issue.

Kim said...

Anyone who can keep track of their coffee spoons must not like coffee much. It that too literal? (And why do "literal" and "literature" seem to have such opposite connotations much of the time since they sound so similar?)

Hair. I have some. It's very straight and fine and goes down to my rear end. I don't really cut it--it's a deep psychological thing that can be blamed on my mother. (But then, can't most things?) Mine pretty much stays in a braid, twisted on top of my head. I'm in a rut, but it could be worse. I'd say more, but I'm afraid it's time for another cup of coffee.

Vallen said...

oh, my, goodness. I have had that dream since I was a wee girl. Not because I have hair that is difficult to deal with, but simply because I am fickle and committment phobic.

Courtney said...

The past few years I have had several haircuts, trying to find the perfect cut. I finally found it with "The Posh", a short haircut that Victoria Beckham has sported.

Now if I could just keep my hair the cool shade of red I like dying it. :)

annhovsepian said...

LOL! I love this post! :D

Like a couple of others who commented, I could totally relate to your post, too. I'm sort of at the same stage as your #3 photo, only with more layers, so I have to do the bobby pin thingy, too, most of the time. And I totally get the thick curly/wavy issues.

I am woman. Hair me roar! :D

Cindy Is Crafty said...

Speaking for the thin, baby fine and lifeless in the world...WE HATE YOU! Speaking as your friend...I love the short hair on you. It makes you like like a different person altogether.

Sherry said...

Now that I'm a SAHM I really don't care what my hair looks like, but when I worked that was a different story! I always go from short to long to short again. Coffee is the one thing I'm definite about though, It is definetely needed several times a day!!

Bunny B said...

LOL! Seems like a lot of us have curly hair too!! I think it's nicest when long, around armpit length. Just need to tame the roaring hair!! :)

Mrs. G. said...

I knew you were an attractive woman, but now that I've seen other sides of your life in hair, all I can say is that you are lovely.

Lop 6" off your hair, and you have my hair-we have very similar thick locks with, in my case, a fro-ish texture upon waking. I was introduced to a flat iron this year and it has changed my life. For once, I am in control and there is no hairspray involved.

Great post!

katydidnot said...

your hair? it's bitchin'. and how effing cute are you?

Maddie said...

...ohh... hair there!.. I know that last photo... it's the family photo of looking like Cousin IT from the Adams family. I know it since that is how mine looks right now. I am betwix and between about what to do. As a woman of advancing years this is serious stuff and I just don't think I am ready for a "responsible" hair style.. at least not in my heart. ... in myheart my hair is still young, the rest of me...well that is another question!

Maddie

Crafty Connie said...

I totally agree. I have had long hair for more than 80% of my life and in Jan of 2007 I cut it above my shoulders. I am in that growing out stage right now and yes, it seems to take forever! I fully understand the wavy, thick hair problem as I suffer from the same.

Carrie said...

oh Girl! I feel your pain. There is nothing I can do to straighten my hair that lasts for more than an hour before frizzing. I've given up. Curls it is.

Dana said...

so freakin' hilarious! it is hilarious because I have the EXACT same kind of hair!!!

Dawn said...

Love The HAIR, I too have very unruly curly hair, no matter what I try to do to it its still curly so I have come to the conclusion..........my hair is just something I have to keep my head warm, it doesn't define who I am and it doesn't rule my life........anymore, at least I am going to think that way...........
Now for a cup of good COFFEE.......

Lola said...

Auntie L loves you no matter what your hair does! You are adorable, you know!
My hair grows out too---that is why it got Halle berried! (and the answer is no...it doesn't give you her boobs, or her abs. Believe me!)

Melanie said...

Girlfriend, get thee some Aveda Phomollient. Promise.

Also, you are a fox.

Sherry G. said...

Oh Mary Ann Mary Ann Mary Ann . . .you are just cuter than a button!! I love the current look (smiles)

Personally, I'm just glad I HAVE hair to cut, color, flat iron, press, and even pull back into a ponytail when necessary.

And being a Black woman, you can only IMAGINE what I go through at WORK when one day I show up with my naturally curly hair and the next day I show up after blow drying and flat ironing it and it's totally straight!

The other day when I walked into the office with straight hair, one of my newer employees said "how did you get your hair so straight?" I replied with "the same way YOU do - with a flat iron". I probably should have used a little more tact, but like I said, I'm 55. LOL

Raesha D said...

I've had every hairstyle you posted:) In fact that picture of you at the monitor made me do a double take cause I could swear that was me!!!!! I've had a love/hate relationship with my hair for a long time too. I'm currently in a love state and I hope it stays that way for a while:) I've found that for me frequent trims are the best - it helps that my SIL is a stylist and is not too expensive. I'm thinking about doing a wedge style next - shorter in the bag and longer in the front and making my red highlights even redder:) I think the last photo is by far my favorite. I used to do that just to see how big I could get my hair. At one point my hair was all one length ad reached the top of my pants and I would sleep in a ponytail and wear it in a loose bun almost every day. I should look through some old photos and try to post some of those:)
Well now that I've made this comment all about me I'll end it:) Love you!

stephanie said...

I know hair is so so personal and you really never want other people's input because well, it's your hair & you have to deal with it on your own time.

But I think you looked absolutely supermodel amazing with the short 'do.

Best of luck.

BipolarLawyerCook said...

You look like the love child of Uma Thurman and Joan Cusack. And the grass is always greener, because I'm jonesing your curly hair.